The Far Corner Cafe: July 2018

Wednesday, July 25, 2018

The Exxon PepsiCo Doritos Lorax

The weekend NYT referred to an essay discussing the origins of Dr Seuss' Lorax. It reminded me of a bit I wrote back in 2012 in protest of the live action Lorax movie. Unfortunately, it seems even more timely today...

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I am the Exxon PepsiCo Doritos Lorax, I once spoke for the trees...
 Now my shilling for corporations generates licensing fees...
 
It all started way back before that cowboy actors time,
when my creator penned the very first eco-green rhyme,
But spin doctors and liars were finely honing their craft,
and figuring better ways to make money than resorting to graft,
Before political discourse got so far off the track,
Ahhh, such a long, long, long, long, long time back...

Hollywood moguls discovered the money to be made,
from wringing children’s classics to make green colored ade.
Irony must not impede valuable product placement,
no matter how great the degree of my message’s debasement,

And so my simple message of ecological stewardship has been re-imagined and redrawn,
you know, kinda like if I’d sold away my soul and liked watching smog obscure the dawn,
Though to be played by DeVito as a crazed dervish certainly blows,
it could have been much, much, much, much worse, I suppose,
Good thing the casting for this one from the others did vary,
Cause at least I was sparred the indignity of being portrayed by Jim Carey.

I’ve nothing against recycling, that much is quite true,
but high concept rebooting leaves nothing on which a child's mind can chew,
Silk suits devoid of any ideas that can truly be called their own,
slap a endearing old label on crap that my creator would most surely disown.
Old Once-ler once erred making so many thneeds,
but it's still not as bad as all these lame ripoffs that simply nobody, nobody, nobody needs.

"I am the Lorax. I once spoke for the trees.
I spoke for the trees, for the trees have no tongues.
Not having Scalia, Roberts, and Thomas to grant personhood to them,
Now against corporate axes their fates looks quite grim.
With the rich and the powerful controlling all discussion,
our lands quakes under their unregulated machine’s percussion.

This shirt from my sponsors I am required to wear,
That it fits not at all they really don’t care,
For it must, must, must, must not be allowed, no, no, No!
a single square centimeter of flesh absent a corporate logo.
And my sponsors forbid me with the reapers to argue, or to even get mad,
Hoping concern for the planet was just an unfortunate fad.

My neocon handlers hated my liberal bent,
and trotted off to the sponsors, their bile to vent,
Angry conservatives night and day yelled, "Now listen here, Dad!
All you do is yap-yap and say, 'Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!'
Well, we purchased your rights, sir, and I'm telling you,
you better start doing just what we tell you to do!”

 
They threatened me with lawyers and repercussions should I force them to sue,
It gave me some pause, I don’t mind telling you,
Then I remembered what my creator had intended, what even little children once knew,
I looked at the damage corporate greed would on this world imbue,
Then into the trash this silly-assed shirt I threw, threw, threw, threw,
and hoisted my self up and away telling the corporations F-You!

I am the Lorax, and once again, I speak for the trees,
and the birds, and the sky, the water and bees,
So though now money is speech,
and has extended many a company's political reach,
Don't you forget what the Once-lers ignore while they covet each penny,
We the people control their cash flow, and our voices are many,
Why not join me in remembering a time when we cared,
Tis the year of an election, what better time for our vision, with this country to be shared...